What is LOVE?

 Everyone is looking for or wants to be LOVED. Whether it is finding it in people, places, or things, everyone wants love. However, love is fantastic when you truly understand what it means. Love doesn’t hurt. It is not boastful. It is not abuse, whether physical, emotional, or mental. Instead, it is long-suffering, patient, kind, gentle, understanding, etc.

I have spent over three decades searching for love and finding it in all the wrong places. Let me begin by saying I never truly understood what love is and what it means. I understood love from a broken mindset, and I try to love from that mindset as well. Let me say I was abused earlier as a child by different people at different times. I recognize I want to be loved and receive love from a man when I get older. So, my definition of love came from watching love movies, not understanding that it’s just a movie.

I later spend many years in an abusive marriage, and to make matters worse, I also endure abuse from others. I struggle with low self-esteem. I was battling rejection, oppression, and depression for years. I didn’t know how to set boundaries with friends or family. Instead, I was focused on “people pleasing”. I wanted to make sure others were well and at no cost. Sometimes financially, emotionally, and mentally, while I was dying inside.

Over eight years ago, I came up with this phrase, not understanding it until about 5 years ago. It says, “You cannot give to someone what you don’t have, and they cannot give to you what they don’t have.” I didn’t understand or recognize it was God's way of telling me I needed to heal. So, I begin to work on myself to heal from all the skeletons in my closets.

First, you must forgive yourself, which can be difficult. I had to speak to myself about the abuse I endured and the abuse I allowed people to cause. Believe it or not, two cannot walk unless they agree, and whether or not you are reading now, agree with me: You are an active participant in your situation. We have a choice to continue in a victim mindset or work on ourselves to become victorious where we work on overcoming trauma, hurts, disappointment, etc.

The second thing you have to do is work on forgiving those who hurt you. I didn’t say you will not remember the hurt or trauma, but you need to release them from taking up precious time in your mind. You don’t forgive them for them but rather to relieve yourself from capacity or bondage. You don’t want to play the broken tape over and over because it will do you no good. Please seek professional help if you need to help you truly on the journey.

The third thing you need to do is continuously work on your mindset. You have to start the process of healing and work through loving and embracing yourself. The total truth and fact is that if you cannot love yourself, nobody is going to love you. You remember what I said before, “You cannot give to someone what you don’t have, and they cannot give to you what they don’t have.” Ask yourself this: can you give someone what you don’t have if you haven’t learned to love and care for yourself? I want to encourage you not to self-blame and beat up yourself but to have grace for and with yourself. Love yourself. Embrace yourself. Leave room to make mistakes with yourself. But most importantly, take the step to begin your healing journey to relearn how to LOVE you. Remember, it is a journey, and you can do it!

L= Learning

O= On

V= Valuing

E= ME!!!!!